Yes, Eunice There is a Santa Claus

Dear Eunice:

Greetings to you & yours this blessed holiday season. So sorry to hear of the unfortunate circumstances in which your spawn currently find themselves. But look on the bright side; three hots and a cot, on a consistant basis, is really more than they’re used too. And now perhaps they can also have some peace and quiet…for ten to twenty years. See there? Every cloud does have a silver lining!

And speaking of clouds; as the self appointed executive director of the Helter Skelter Shelter, I’m sure you are aware that Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph & I will be passing over your way very soon as we make our way to the nice boys’ and girls’ homes in your neck of the woods. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I won’t have time to stop in this year either. I’ve checked my list twice and it seems I’ve once again spread myself too thin, trying to get to all the kids who haven’t spent the entire past year pouting. I simply cannot visit the naughty ones too.

Now before you start shouting from the rooftops, understand that that it is just the sort of behaviour of which Santa does not approve. And I hope you will consider your position with the Helter Skelter Shelter before you think about harming my reindeer out of spite. We don’t need any repeats of your shenanigans from Christmas past like reporting me to the police for grand theft sley. The sley is mine, paid for by a generous donation from the elves and it is fully insured. And don’t go hitting up my elves for a donation to your Helter Skelter Shelter either. They have already overextended themselves with the sley, to say nothing of all those toys!

And don’t start calling Mrs. Claus again at all hours of the night, trying to frighten her with all your lawyer talk. We are the Clauses. We have excellent legal representation, if needed. You don’t freighten Mrs. Claus but you’re really working on my last nerve. If you actually have legal counsel, they know where to find me. I’m Santa Claus. Everyone knows where to find me. You don’t need to keep calling us telling us we’ll be hearing from your lawyer. Thanks for the heads up, but frankly, I’d really rather you just put up or shut up.

And while I appreciate your concern, my reputation as a responsible pet owner is impeccable. My reindeer are well provided for and are by no means neglected. So don’t even go there! I’m a very busy man & I don’t have time for any of your reindeer games!

I will be more than happy to revisit this issue again next year. But don’t try to pull a fast one. I know when you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!

So until next year; to the crazy gal who put the “ho” back in Ho, Ho, Ho! I am…

Regretfully yours,

Santa Claus