The first step to recovery…identify the problem.

Primal Scream

Shout as loudly as you feel you must, to as many as you feel compelled. Your actions speak so loudly, we cannot hear what you are saying.

Word of the day

To assist in Eunice’s self improvement resolution for the new year, her long distance learning “tutor on retainer” offers up today’s “word of the day” –

 Truthiness – what one wishes to be the truth, regardless of the facts.

Your Invited!

The honour of your presence

is requested at

The First Annual

Come As You Are

St. Vidas Dance & Pity Party

Hosted by Eunice

No need to RSVP

If you’re indicted…you’re invited!

Eunice prepares for tax season!

And now a word from the newly self appointed IRS Spokesperson, Eunice. Since it’s tax season, I’m glad to know that if I have a problem I can just confer with Eunice, who interestingly enough is also the self appointed Exective Director of the Helter Skelter Animal Shelter. Boy, she’s a busy gal! This is what happens when people are stricken with kennel cough. 

“The IRS has informed me that you owe taxes on the boarding of the two dogs you advertised and gave away and then lied in court that they were only boarded.  Since you stated in court that they were boarded, and since you refused to pay the boarding and medical fees, this becomes income and there are taxes owed on this income.  This total for the boarding fees, medical, and interest is 26,719.25.

The IRS also has informed me that you owe taxes on the items you stole from the organization.  You have the list.  There is included in this total our expenses in attempting to recover these items.  That total, including interest, is 4,647.54.  These are the items the Secretary of State told you to return to us and you refused.  Since you were ordered to return these items as well as the donations you placed in an unauthorized account, they become income and you owe taxes on this income.  Just in case, here is the list again.

These items are to be returned, in the condition they were in when you received them, less the small amount of wear they received while being used by you.  If not in like new condition, you are to pay for them.    

1 10x10x6 free standing dog pen                         258.00                        

2 extra large dog houses                                    139.98                        

1 extra large crate                                               99.99                       

2 large crates                                                    179.98                        

4 med crates                                                     199.96                        

1 folding crate, metal, off white                            149.00                        

2 small animal crates (purple)                               79.99                        

4 small pet dinning set                                         63.96                        

4 large pet dinning sets                                        71.96                        

2 med feeders                                                      49.98                        

2 med waterers                                                    49.98                        

2 large feeder                                                       65.98                        

2 large waterers                                                    65.98                        

6 large storage containers w/lids                            24.00                        

                 

These items are to be paid for as you have stated in writing that you have either used or destoried these items.

 

1 qt bottle yellow wormer, new, unopened             58.00                      

15 shots                                                            60.00                      

1 bottle ivamection, new, unopened                      31.00           

30 pieces blanket material in 2 containers             30.00                        

1 sewing machine                                               89.00                        

1 typewriter                                                       100.00                        

1 box of 12 correction ribbons                               35.76                        

1 box of 12 black ribbons                                      47.76                        

Gas BBQ Grill                                                    200.00                        

Charcoal BBQ Grill                                               89.00       

1 12×24 tarp                                                        25.00

1 card table                                                         20.00

Food given to daughter without authority             1500.00

Concrete slab                                                    218.26

Retrival costs                                                      80.00

Interest on stolen items                                      584.28                                                            

There is also the money you stole from the organization.  You have stated to others that it was somewhere between 400 and 40,000.  We will accept 4,000 plus the years interest of 782.23 is a total of 4,782.23.

Interest is based on 18% per year, which is generous as we could charge up to 30% if we wanted to.

The total you will be required to pay taxes on if these items are not returned and used/destoried items paid for as well as stolen money and “boarding fees” paid is $36,149.02. 

It is the decision of the Board of Directors that you be given until the 10th of the month to return the stolen items, pay for the items you no longer have, or refuse to return and pay for the boarding, or we will be reporting this to the IRS as noncash income and you will owe taxes on it to the IRS as well as the state.  I really do not want to do the paperwork involved, but if this matter is not resolved, I have to, and I will.

You will also owe Social Security taxes on this as this income has to be reported to them also.

One other thing – keep slandering me and my family to my sister and others of my friends and family and I will take legal action against you.  For someone who claims they want nothing to do with me, you spend a lot of time keeping up with what I am doing.  When will you realize that you cannot destroy me or ‘Helter Skelter Animal Shelter?’  People know you for what you are.  People are laughing at you as they understand you are one sick puppy with your obsession of me and everything I do and your wanting to be me.  You can never be me regardless of how bad you want to be. 

I guess this would be the time to thank you for helping make this the best year the organization has had.  Every time you slander me and the organization in the news media, people who know you make donations to us.  Keep up the good work.  It makes caring for the animals a lot easier when we have the necessary funds to do so.” Eunice.

Eunice, What color is the sky in your world?

“‘Ellen’, I just want to warn you, ‘Jessica’ is telling anybody who will listen how she’s got about six inches of emails from you and that ah, she’s building a good case to do to you exactly what she’s doing to me. Have fun. Bye.” Eunice.

There’s that “Ah” word again and that’s two times in a row that she’s used the expression “telling anybody who will listen”.

I don’t know, I just think if you’re trying to be convincing, you first must be at least a little more creative than has been exhibited this time around.

Such a shame. The mind is a terrible thing to lose.

Quick; Somebody call Scotland Yard!

First the Russian spy case and now this: 

 “Please call me. You have been drawn into a situation involving ‘Ellen’ and an exvolunteer of ‘Helter Skelter Animal Shelter’ who lives in another county. You need to be very aleart and on your guard as the ripples of this situation with this person is pulling more and more people in and she is spreading your name to anyone who will listen.  I am only trying to protect you.  ‘Ellen’ I really don’t care about except to the extent that she refuses to probate Mama’s estate and is selling everything off.  I am trying to help protect YOU and your family from these two. Feel free to send this on to ‘Ellen’ and the other person.” Eunice

I know we’ll all sleep so much better tonite knowing that Eunice has our back.

Yes, Eunice, you are slow on the uptake!

“I know I’m slow on the uptake but I wish you would give me an explanation to your final statement. I don’t know what you’re talking about but I suggest you not repeat it because that is slander in any state in the nation. Ah, you may know something I don’t know.  Ah, if you do, call me, I’d like to know what the hell you’re talking about.” Eunice.

My dear, dear Eunice. Clearly, you ARE “slow on the uptake.” So slow, in fact, that you can’t see the forest for the trees.

And speaking of trees, it takes a lot of them to make a newspaper & it’s a shame when they go to waste. Might I suggest that the next time your newspaper subscription is up for renewal, you renew it before the expiration date rolls around. That way you can read all about it in black and white. Unfortunately, the rest of the world already has.

Might I also suggest that instead of lawyering up, you try tutoring up. I would recommend my son but unfortunately, he’s booked and you couldn’t afford him anyway.

And one final piece of advice; you might want to stop prefacing your sentences with the interjection “Ah.” Too many people who know you recognize that as an indication that nothing but nonsense will follow.